21 Things I’m Struggling With Right Now
Reminders with self-compassion
1. Sleep
Get heart rate up every day to physically tire. No screens after 8pm. Get alarm clock so I don’t need phone in the bedroom. Do my best to set the conditions right for rest — don’t worry if Im not actually sleeping.
2. Trying to balance priorities between health, family, and work
This is a normal balancing act only it feels different now I’m within my family’s household after years away. Patience — this is an ongoing process!
3. How to really do our damned hardest to help make sure our most hard-to-reach students can keep on learning
Keep on trying our damned hardest. Accept reality. Baby-steps forward in the right direction. Know that we’ll make mistakes. Do our best to avoid causing harm.
4. Not swimming
Stretch. Dance. Move. Run. Cycle. Hula hoop. Figure out where I can launch off for a Suffolk swim on a sunny day in a wetsuit.
5. Knowing that feeling guilty about the privileged position I now find myself in is not useful
Guilt dampens joy. That is not helpful or useful to others in the world. Being in lack would keep everyone down and out, and no one would ever move forward. Nothing would change and get better, or improve. Feeling guilty about having something good is a belief system that holds a person, and others, back. Without guilt, you allow for more joy and more love. Guilt acts on the premise that there’s not enough love etc to go around, which only serves to keep everyone down. If we are instruments to spread love and joy and upliftment, then being in lack does nothing for others at all. Awareness is one thing, guilt is quite another.
It is amazing and wonderful that you came home safe and sound and are with your loved ones! Treasure it and spread your happy vibes about it…that’s what will actually help someone else to get out of their rut. Your positivity in the world lights it up, we need more of it!
6. Lack of (unlined) notebook
Order notebooks. Patience.
7. 10-hour time difference between me and my place of work
Ask myself at the end of each day, did I do my best? Remember that what my best looks and feels like each day varies widely.
8. Wanting to be an awesome Aunty but more used to returning kids to parents after a few hours babysitting
Welcome to less-temporary Aunty-hood — enjoy the ride! I’d worried about being so far away and now, here I am. Stop trying to be awesome or anything else for that matter.
9. Assessment of learning seems lower priority than ever yet still so important
Start with the self! Once satisfied, aim to work with others who are interested, one by one. Measure what matters and don’t forget why! Don’t let the measure become the target.
10. Outside the duvet feels cold
Lift off the duvet and warm up the day! Walk, run, do push ups, pull ups, squats, hula hoop. The baby monkey complains every morning and I know life is better not listening to it.
11. I feel less beautiful than before and I wasn’t very good at feeling beautiful anyway
Groom, use coconut oil all over, dance in the mirror. Slowly aim to move eating habits towards healthier ones, save up for awesome Faturday treats.
12. I can’t bring myself to socialise online with more than one person
List people who I want to share time with and socialise with them however we see fit.
13. Socks vs. cold feet
England is cold; cold feet suck more than socks; bad socks suck more than decent socks. Decide how much I want to spend on how many UK size 8 women socks. Buy.
14. I’m not sure if I have the right to feel like I’m struggling right now
My feelings are not a disease. I have a right to my feelings, they do not define who I am and they will change.
15. I traveled across the planet and it’s illegal to visit my mum who lives five miles down the road
Well done me for traveling across the planet and now mum is only five miles down the road! We are in the same timezone within cycling distance — I’ve made the best situation possible.
16. I wonder if my dad is alive and if there’s a death register searchable by name
He could die any day like any of us. I don’t think anyone will tell me if he dies. Last and only sighting in 35 years by any of his first three children — August 2019. You can search the UK death register online, £5 for three months access or £15 per year.
17. Dating seems even more remote and absurd than ever
True! I can count two dates this year which is higher than this time last year! Keep on playing the dating game if it’s fun. There’s no expiry date on love!
18. Reading
Non-temporary Aunty-hood. Gardening. Living in a family household. All of the other challenges listed here. I don’t need to do everything all the time. If all I can read is my own writing and a few other articles, that’s a good sign to keep on writing!
19. I know we’re in this (alone) together and I don’t know how to deal with this
Nobody knows how to deal with this. We have all been given this gift of practical training in taking each day as it comes. Don’t forget — crying is a superpower! Bawl away. Share experiences with loved ones.
Sleep. Wake. Move. Water. Think. Feed. Love. Fertilise. Grow. Weather storms. See seasons. Evolve. Love sleep. Do less. Be more.
20. This is nothing compared to climate change
Yes and a perfect time to re-evaluate priorities which can only be done by taking each day as it comes! The importance of my research is even clearer than before — there will never be final answers only an increasing breadth and depth of questions.
21. Thinking of 21 things to write on this list
Take heart that I completed the list of “21 things I’m grateful for right now” in less than half the time it took to write half of this list! Boom!
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