21 Normal Experiences in Japan
Just another gaijin day
- A yakuza (gangster) neighbour fed me lobster guts with a spoon while sitting in my genkan (house entrance)
- Chatted with Prince William in the British Embassy
- Took the Tokai train-line all the way from kai (sea) to tou (East) on a 110¥ ticket, which I topped up about 5000¥ to get out the barrier at Tokyo about 9 hours later.
4. Told my downstairs neighbours their spanking sessions were disrupting my sleep.
5. My employer accidentally got me close to deportation by messing up my work visa and not paying me for six months.
6. Lived in an internet cafe.
7. Saw a bear riding a bicycle but the bear was a sumo wrestler.
8. A maths teacher was arrested at the high school I was working at, for installing an upward looking camera low down at the bottom of the train station escalator.
9. Ate raw pork, raw horse, and raw chicken.
10. Beat the Marunouchi line train running; got off at Shinjuku Sanchome and ran, RAN, RAN to Shinjuku station to get back on the same train, same carriage, same door as I’d got on. In high heels.
11. Sprayed water up my back while playing with the toilet controls, hungover at Saturday morning Japanese language school.
12. Did not die in March 11th 2011 Great East Japan earthquake nor any other.
13. Climbed Mount Fuji in a typhoon. At night.
14. Escaped a stuck Yamanote line train and walked 5km in the snow with a backpack full of dumbbells and vegetables.
15. Was the rudest person ever on a bad day: when someone said ‘Ohashi jouzu desu ne’ (You’re good with chopsticks) I replied ‘muzukashikunai’ (it’s not difficult). Culturally, this translates to “How are you?” - “Fuck you”.
16. Snorkelled with manta ray in Okinawa.
17. Cycled 60km west on a mama-chari bicycle.
18. Quit asking for shoes in my size.
19. Took my mum into the male onsen (hot spring bath) changing room. I thought the naked lady looked rather androgynous until I looked down.
20. Rented an ocean-front apartment 2-hours train from Tokyo with access to onsen and rooftop bath for $350 a month.
21. My neighbour peed in my sink.
